Loves me, loves me not?
by grey
Summary: Basically a semi-romantic Cloud x Tifa fic. Revised and rewritten.


  
This is a revised version of a fic I originally posted three or so years ago. The result of nightly boredom combined with a lack of ideas.

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Loves me, loves me not?

"Loves me…Loves me not…Loves me…Loves me not… Crap!" a disappointed Tifa threw the dismembered flower over her shoulder and stood up from her comfortable spot in the flower field. She closed her eyes trying to find peace.  
_            Even nature bets against me_, she gave a sad smile at the thought. As she opened her eyes a warm gust of wind met with her face, sending her long, dark hair flying. The sun had just disappeared behind the mountains in the horizon and night was drawing near. About time to head back home, she figured.  
            This particular day home wasn't where it usually was for Tifa, as she had been spending the past two days living in a rented house together with the "old gang". Except Vincent who had, to everyone's disappointment, politely declined the idea of a reunion and Yuffie whom no one had heard from in a while.  
            Walking slowly along the green path toward the lone house in the middle of the yard, Tifa's thoughts drifted towards her friends. When the idea of a reunion had been presented to her, she had been thrilled. To get the gang together, live under the same roof again, if only for a couple of days, had sounded great to her. Nowadays it seemed everyone was always too busy for get-togethers such as this.  
_            I guess it's 'cause everyone's got their own stuff going on now. I'm the only one still stuck in the past…_ Tifa shook her head lightly as if to deny her depressive thoughts.  
            Then there was Cloud. The other reason for her time spent in anxious anticipation the days before the reunion. According to Barret, who she had talked to about the occasion, Revee had heard from Cid who had heard from Red who had received a chocobo-message from Cloud stating he would indeed be present at the allotted time and place.  
            That was the way it had always worked with Cloud, the few times she'd actually heard from him, and it puzzled her why he'd never contacted her in person. She knew him and Red were good friends, but she'd always thought, well hoped anyway, that she of all people stood closest to the spikey-haired warrior. Why did he choose to speak with Red? Even though their conversations mostly seemed to consist of chocobo-messages, Tifa couldn't help but feel a bit jealous. Why did they get along so well, anyway?  
            Guessing, she could come up with a few possible reasons. Perhaps it could be their somewhat resembling connections to Hojo or perhaps the fact that Red was the sole survivor of his clan destined to live out life alone and Cloud… well, Cloud just always seemed to be alone.  
            Suddenly her thoughts were brought to an abrupt end as a door before her opened. Apparently she had reached the house too deep in thought to notice. In the doorway was Cid, who had just been thrown out by a unanimous jury tired of his constant smoking. He grabbed his chest and shrieked in a slightly girlish fashion as he saw her.  
            "Damnit girl! Don't scare me like that!"  
            Tifa giggled and replied while moving out of the way.  
            "I'm sorry Cid. I didn't know you were so easily frightened."  
            Cid grumbled something as he walked past her. However Tifa observed a slight upward curve on the corner of his lips as he passed. She guessed it was because of the familiar, nostalgic feeling that they all seemed to share now that they were all gathered again. Silly squabbles such as this simply reminded them of the past.  
            Entering the hall and then the living room a bit further in she saw the rest of her friends. Barett was playing with Marlene and her many dolls and Red was resting by the fireplace lazily waging his tail back and forth while talking to Revee who was sitting down in one of the couches with a book his lap. Only Cloud was absent.  
            As she entered the warm, cozy room she caught the attention of Marlene, who immediately rushed over to greet her.  
            "Hi Teef! Whatcha been doing?" Marleen asked in a childish voice. Besides Cloud she was the only one who called her "Teef".  
            "Oh hi, Marleen." Tifa looked down at the little girl "I was just out for some fresh air."  
            "I've been playing with daddy all day!" Marleen happily exclaimed, changing the subject.  
            Tifa looked over at Barret, who looked about ready to collapse. She shot him a smile of sympathy knowing how energetic his daughter could sometimes be.  
            "Whatcha smiling at?" The child asked curiously.  
            "Nothing sweetie." Tifa replied directing her attention back at Marleen. She then straightened herself and began awkwardly: "Um…" she hesitated "Does anyone know where Cloud is?"  
            "I haven't seen him since breakfast." Revee replied.  
            "Me neither." Red told her.  
            "He's probably wandered off somewhere." Barret said falling down on the couch next to Revee. He noticed the worried look that crossed Tifa's face and quickly added: "I'm sure he'll be back soon enough."  
            Everyone remained quiet for awhile unable to pick up conversation again until a tiny voice spoke up.  
            "Uncle Cloud told me he was going away for a while."  
            Tifa froze. Had he left again?  
            "Did he say anything else?" Barret asked the child. Tifa guessed he was thinking the same thing as her.  
            "He said…" Marleen did her best to recollect the exact words, "Maybe I won't come home tonight."  
            Tifa let out a sigh of relief causing everyone in the room to look at her. She blushed slightly.  
            "I-I'm just relieved he hasn't disappeared again." She stuttered, embarrassed.  
            "When did you talk to uncle Cloud?" Barret knelt beside the little girl.  
            "Um… Everyone was out and I was looking for my doll. Uncle Cloud was in the kitchen drinking coffee and I talked to him." Marleen looked over at Tifa, smiling "He helped me look for my doll!" she exclaimed showing Tifa her favorite doll.  
            Tifa returned the smile. Cloud could be really sweet sometimes, when he wasn't his usual absent-minded self… or just simply absent.  


  
That evening Tifa had wanted to go out look for Cloud, but her friends had convinced her not to. After all, they reassured her, he had told Marleen he would be back no later than tomorrow.  
            In her bed now Tifa was tossing and turning in the clutches of a nightmare. She dreamt of Cloud who had disappeared off the face of the planet. She searched for him everywhere, but could never find him. The dream seemed to repeat itself until she, about 3pm, awoke from her desperate search back in her own dark room.  
            She whispered his name into the silence, hoping against all logic he would answer. The dream worried her. Sure he had told Marleen he would only be gone over the night, but what if that was just a lie to calm the little girl? What if he really left?  
            Disentangling herself from her sheets Tifa left the warmth of her bed. The moon shining through the window captured her eyes and she had to take a closer look. She pushed open the window and leaned out to watch the stars and the moon above. The sight brought back familiar memories. Memories involving Cloud, her thinking of Cloud and waiting for him to return. Starry nights would always make her think of him, she figured, ever since that night years ago when he had told her he was going to leave their hometown, Nibelheim.  
            Allowing her gaze to sink from the glimmering sky, she let out a sigh. What if her nightmares were true? What if he had indeed left? Then again, it wouldn't really change anything. When she met him two days ago it had been the first time in almost a year.  
_            A miserable year might I add, _Tifa thought sadly. _If I let him leave now it might be another year before I see him again.  
_            On the moonlit yard a movement suddenly caught her attention. It was the shape of a man walking the path that connected the house with the great flower field she had earlier visited. Tifa let out a silent breath that due to the chilly air outside remained visible for a brief moment.  
_            Could it be?_ Hurriedly she exchanged her nightgown for more proper clothing. If it indeed was Cloud she had to catch him now before he had time to disappear.  


  
Dark and chilly the yard opened up before her. She could no longer spot the dark shape she had seen from her window. Hugging herself to keep warm, she stepped away from the house.  
            "Cloud?" she whispered at first then repeated the name louder so he could hear.  
            There was no answer.  
            Tifa slowly walked the path in the direction she had seen him, careful not to trip on anything in the darkness. Then she saw him, sitting amidst the grass and sleeping blossom out near the spot she had mutilated the flower earlier that day. She was sure now, it was Cloud.  
            He turned around quickly as he heard her enclosing steps. A habit one is best to develop in order to survive in monster-infected lands.  
            "Teef?" he asked surprised of seeing her at this late hour. "What are you doing out here?"  
            "Looking for you so I can ask the same question." She answered him in a tone just enough irritated for him to notice.  
            "I thought I'd sleep underneath the stars tonight." Cloud said in a slightly tired voice. The initial surprise of seeing her was gone and Tifa could feel him slip away into his usual distant self. As if to further emphasize this, he turned away again.  
            Tifa was getting more irritated by the minute.  
            "You know, you could at least let us know before you leave."  
            "You were worried?" Cloud turned around again. His eyes met hers for a split second before they settled on something in the distance behind her. Tifa was surprised by the question and before she could think of an answer he spoke again.   
            "I did talk to Marleen, if that counts"  
Sighing she made her way beside him and sat down. She looked over at him and to her surprise she found his shining blue eyes already watching her.  
_            It must be the moon that makes them shine like that, _she told herself although it would not surprise her if they emitted the same soft blue glow even in the darkest of places. It was somewhat eerie, but still, she loved those eyes.  
            "Sometimes I don't know why I even care" she told him, even though she knew it was a lie. She knew exactly why she cared, why she would always care even if he didn't deserve it.  
            "That's… too bad" he paused and looked away. For a moment Tifa feared he would leave it at that, as cold and indifferent it would have been.  
            "I'm sorry. I never meant to worry you." He then apologized.  
            "I-it's ok" Tifa managed to stutter while silently cursing her inability to stay angry with him.  
            "You know…" Cloud leaned backwards to watch the sky and Tifa followed his movement in the corner of her eye. "I was thinking of maybe going back to Nibelheim for a while… You still live there, right?"  
            "Y-yeah"  
            "So I guess then we'll be seeing a lot more of each other"  
            Tifa felt bewildered. What did all this mean? She struggled to calm herself down, it was too early to jump to any conclusions. Perhaps he just missed the crisp mountain air of Nibelheim, or the familiar sight of the old well in the center of town. Perhaps he just wanted to return to his place of birth once more before disappearing again. Then again, he had asked her if she still lived there… didn't that imply she had something to do with his decision of returning? Her mind was racing.  
            "Do you know why I like sleeping under the stars?" Cloud then asked her out of the blue, breaking her train of thoughts.  
            "No…" Tifa followed his example leaning back beside him to watch the stars as if she could find the answer to his questions somewhere up there. But it only made her realize how tired she was. She closed her eyes.  
            Cloud moved slightly and she could hear the grass brushing against his clothes. Then he settled and with shining eyes he told her something that made her open hers.  
            "They remind me of you, Teef."

The End

Somehow the ending always makes me laugh. It's so corny it's almost evil.


End file.
